Sight

I will see when I am willing to be seen. I will receive new eyes that can see the mysteries of God's own life when I allow God to see me, all of me, even those parts that I myself do not want to see.
Henri Nouwen

We all care about how others see us. Women especially want to be perceived in a certain way, with a set of characteristics that are becoming of the ideal mom/wife/friend. Christian women, to go even further, aspire to a specific image- the Proverbs 31 image perhaps- and wish to meet that standard in our own eyes as well as the eyes of those around us. Yet, to a great degree, we don't want to be seen as needing to look good in the eyes of others. It's how God sees us that really matters, we say. No one else should matter.

But is that truly the case? Isn't there a middle ground? Isn't there a safe place where we are mindful of how we are perceived, yet not dependent upon knowing? Caring enough about how we seem to our fellow man so that we cause no one to stumble, but focusing on God's love in Christ, that one thing, above all else.

I have had cause to ponder these questions lately, through circumstances in my life, and I can honestly say that I haven't figured it out. During my post-partum depression, I worked so hard to not be seen...to hide what was going on inside of me. Why did I do that? Your guess is as good as mine. But it is common, and proves that perception is important to us, and to me specifically.

The hiding is one side of the coin; blindness is the other. Can we ever truly know how we come across to others? Motivated by our own emotions, personalities, upbringing, failings, can we see ourselves as we are seen by the world? The lens others see through is hazy with their own preconceptions and inner struggles. The human condition: wanting to be seen, yet not taking the time to really see our neighbor as they are- broken, like us.

A wise friend said to me recently, as we discussed the interaction between conflicting points of view,

"People are not interested in harming you, they are interested in protecting themselves..."

Is that what it's all about? You try to protect you and I try to protect me and neither ever sees beyond that fear of rejection and hurt... It seems sad and yet all too true...

I am tired of this falseness. Weary from the mirror held up to show my own weaknesses. We all just want to be seen and accepted. Seen and loved. Seen and shown mercy. Regardless of our true, stained nature.

And that's the key. It's not the mirror that makes us accept ourselves and our failings, resignation in the shape of "that's just the way I am and I can't change". Rather it's being seen by God, loved just the same, and then borrowing those godly eyes for our own.

That is how we see beyond the castle keep and extend a hand of acceptance. Those walls are hard to scale, but I try...

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.