Letter to a newly married bride

To the new bride,

Congratulations! What a wonderful journey you've begun. I hope that your day was special- that you were relaxed enough to remember it- and that joy and love characterized the festivities. By now the dress is hung, the leftover cake is in the freezer, the pictures are being developed and you are enjoying your time on your honeymoon with the love of your life.

Let me assure you however, that you know relatively little of love now. I say this not to offend you, but to excite you; not to sadden you, but to fill you with anticipation.

Real love is not looking across the aisle and saying I do. It's not sharing a kiss in front of family and friends. It's not posing for pictures, paying the band, or dancing the first dance as husband and wife.

True love is so much more. It is rarely spoken of in books, and even less often in Hollywood movies. It is not glamorous, sexy or spine-tingling. It is not candlelight, a romantic beach walk, or talking till the wee hours of the morning with no regard to the next day's activities. True love can include those things, but often does not.

I had the romantic notion of love that most new brides do. I couldn't wait to start my new life with my chosen one- to choose furniture for our new condo, make new meals to please his palate, have my toothbrush next to his, and all of the other superficial things that seem to solidify the fact that I was married.

I knew nothing. What I expected and what reality brought were completely different.

Though I could never tell you what true love will look like for you, I can give you a glimpse of what is to come if you are willing to open your eyes and heart to something perhaps foreign and unexpected. You have the choice, every day, to make your marriage real or keep it false. The first couple of years you are together will be hard. This man you think you know will do things that appall and annoy you. You in turn will completely disappoint him more than once, dare I say more than once a day?? You will learn that all disappointment comes from unmet expectations and when you learn this you will have the biggest choice of all.

Will you eventually choose that your expectations are more important than your marriage and try to find someone else who can meet them?

Or will you choose your husband, the flawed man that he is, long after your wedding dress is forgotten in the back of your closet and the cake is freezer burned, as more important than those expectations that can be changed so much easier than he can?

Right now you can't even imagine the day will come that you will need to make that choice. And maybe you will be lucky and have appropriate expectations right from the start! But more than likely you will do the hard work, as most couples do, and slowly create a love that, while it may barely resemble the sparks of your courtship, will be the sea that carries you through the storms of life.

So I've mentioned some things that real love is not, let me leave you with some examples of what real love is to me:

Real love is caring for your husband during a long illness, as kids, work and your own needs all beg for your attention.

Real love is a man who kisses your Csection scar, claiming it is one of your most beautiful parts.

Real love is hearing your children scream, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" as your husband walks through the door, tired from work, and watching him get down to wrestle before he even takes off his tie.

Real love is real.

Real love is irreplaceable.

Real love is what I pray you someday achieve.

Blessings for your marriage,

Christine

A repost from the archives...

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